its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
