Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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