Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
