"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
