You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
