pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
