Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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