would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
