Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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