You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
