are you so shy because you have an std?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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