either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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