Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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