You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
