Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
