i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
