How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
