clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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