mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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