Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
