Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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