I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
