dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
