can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i permit you to call me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
