covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
from now on my penis is your penis
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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