Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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