Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
