Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
