You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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