I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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