My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
