Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
