If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just want to make out with him forever
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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