You can't motorboat a personality
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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