your room smells of hookers.
And success
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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