what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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