we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
