ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
