I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
