I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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