from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
