Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
