His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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