when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
