Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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