WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
