I must be too annoying 4 u.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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