Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
