the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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