Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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