You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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