Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
