the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
