brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
