Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
