I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
