I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize