My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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