two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
