i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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