you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
