he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I understand Curling. That high.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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