K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
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i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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