I hate all girls vehemently.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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