after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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