fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
