It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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