i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
