My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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