I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i think my tv is drunk
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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