Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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