He had one of those small greek statue penises
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
