This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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