her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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